How Did He Get Here?

Held onto the bad just to keep a part of him nearLet go of it all and now the painted picture looks a little more clear
Feel like I'm Floating around this world alone
No path seems right...How do I get home?
Its weird when you seem to fit in but you feel like you dont belong
Mind and heart...Im starting to think they'll never get along
It's impossible to fight for strength and still stay strong
I close my eyes and go to that secret place in my mind
Until recently that was a place that no one else could find
How did he get here?
Someone getting past all my layers and those brick walls i built around my heart has always been my greatest fear
I've been able to keep people out for years...

DELETE!!!

*Inspired by Drake's Marvin's Room*
Phone ringing off the hook, guess I should get that.
Then I see who it is, let them go to voicemail and I'll call back.
Haven't seen that number in a while, kinda thru me off track.
Dialed 1 to hear my messages and I hear his voice.
He's apologizing for the late call, but he has a new chick so he had no choice.
He wants to meet up so we have the talk we never had.
Pit of my stomach is in knots, feelings all bad.
I can hear the club music in the background.
Drinks must be in his system cuz now he's ranting about me letting him come back around.
The message continues and he says "the nigga that You wit aint shit!"
This coming from a nigga that's leaving drunk voicemails, n has a chick.
At the end he says "you might love that nigga, but that nigga will never love you like me".
I remember how he "Loved" me and quickly pressed DELETE!

My Yanni Pooh *RIP*

Yanni had A smile that would brighten up the darkest day!
She brought happiness to the lives of many in her own special way.
 "You guys I'm good, don't worry", that's what I think she would say.
Bad things shouldn't happen to good people like her, so this pain will probably never go away.
What we fail to remember is that we serve a God that never seizes to amaze.
He knows that by many people Yanni was loved.
He needed her with him so now she smiles down on us from above.
Yanni is probably the best dancer in heaven,Micheal probably gave her his sequence glove!
As much as I wish Yanni was here with me,
I know she's out of harm's way up there with the KING.
Even though this pain cuts deeper than any sharp knife.
Let us not mourn Yanni's death, Let's celebrate her LIFE.

He's Different...

The lack of confidence is what makes him feel inadequate which in return makes him scared to commit.
He tells every girl that they are heaven sent.
Every nice word he says isn't one that he ever meant.
He secretly hopes that one of the many chicks he lays with is "the one".
Deepest thoughts in his mind, he wishes he could un-do all the damage that he's done.
To his guys he's that nigga and to the chicks he's different.
What he really wants is a woman who won't fall for his bullshit.
He spends his nights alone but tends to let people think other wise.
Hoping and praying that one day a woman will cross his path that will make him feel as if he's won the ultimate prize.
But what he doesn't realize is that he's paying the ultimate price.
His man-hood makes him look at the baddest bitch in the club instead of the chick that looks good and her personality is nice.
Instead of thinking long term, his ego makes him think about who he can take home for the night.
He swears he's not like everybody else, but fails to see how he's just like every other guy.....

Friend Zone

I don't understand dudes.
It seems to me that yall prefer chicks with a basic mindset and an even more basic attitude.
Yall glorify the gold diggers and make the strags think they're cool.
Don't let me start on the males that blame them cheating on the fact that their girlfriend went off to school. Dudes are quick to put real women in the friend zone.
And to that same "friend" whine about the goofy chick you're letting do you wrong.
I'm starting to think yall are scared of the women that are smart, independent and beautiful.
Yall are quick to wife the chicks that have no goals, no morals and the chicks that make you look like a fool.
Yes she has a fat Ass, but what else is she bringing to the table?
Yes I do for my Damn self...but being "too independent" is what I'm labeled.
But its cool...its not you, its me!
I've have a certain taste in men, you c.
And I don't use the term MAN loosely.
I need a man who is man enough to notice the woman in front of him and not leave me be.
A man who knows that Ima a catch and the last of a dying breed

The Battle...

When writing isn't enough
When specific things turn into general stuff
I knew life wasn't going to be easy but I never expected it to be this rough
The things I've been through make my skin tough
Waiting on the day when I can show my softer side
The day the real Me can shine instead of hide
Some say I'm guarded, I simply blame my pride
Heart full of secret thoughts
Letting someone in and them screwing me over, Im not ready to pay that cost
Guess I'll just have to say for now, this is a battle that I've lost.

Irrelevant

When she left she took half of him
Didn't leave much light, so his world seems dim
He blames her for the way he is now
Problem is, that's not how she remembers it going down
She loved him beyond words, beyond actions
She gave him all her emotions, all her passion
WHAT HE'S FEELING NOW ISN'T HER WRATH, ITS HER REACTION
Giving her whole self, she was mentally drained
The thought of loving again puts her heart in unbearable pain
He still doesn't trust because she broke his heart...that's what he claims
Now pain is relevant because he's enduring it
But when she was dying on the inside, her pain was irrelevant

Wishful Thinking...

I wish I could bring you back to this place
To this time
To this space
Where your arms are wrapped around me and my soul you embrace
How do I tell you I miss you when you're no longer here
You not knowing how much I love is my greatest fear
The pain never wore off like they said it would
I never worked through it like they said I should
The tears fall frequently
You not being here to see how things turned out, is whats eating me
Somebody said that since you're up there with God, you're in my heart
Actually accepting that fact that you're gone...is still the hardest part