Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Alone...

I recently posted something on instagram ( @_MrsWrite ...shameless plug lol) and it said 

"You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. You need to know how to be happy with yourself before you try to be happy with someone else. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect someone else to love you"


Seeing that I have recently been called a "Media Junky" I thought I would share with you the types of people that I have noticed in the past few months via facebook/twitter/instagram and in my everyday/every other day life...


The first person is a "Relationship Hopper"! They break-up with or stop talking to one person and start with another person a day later. You know the people you see on Facebook who are in love with one person one day and the next they are with someone else and are "all smiles"! Yeah those people! As irritating as that may be, a lot of people do not notice what they are doing to themselves. I have seen this from males and females. I am a strong believer of when you end a relationship with one person, you should take time to reflect on the situation. See what you did wrong, what that person did wrong and how you can make sure it doesn't happen again. There is always room for improvement but you can't make those changes without assessing what went wrong. This DOES NOT MEAN drown in your tears and cry listening to Keyshia Cole or Jay-Z Song Cry every night. This simply means take a step back and figure out what is going on. I do not believe that you can do this while being in a relationship with an entirely different person. WHY? you ask...Because your focus is on them, how they make you feel and how you make them feel. Your focus is not on the past because at the current moment you might be "happy" (and i use the word "happy" loosely). SOO many times I have seen people hop around from one relationship to the next and they can never figure out why things are not working out. MAYBE the problem isn't them, Maybe it's you!!!

The other type of person I see is the person who stays in a relationship way too long because they are scared to be by themselves or they are scared to start all over (Raises hand, I'm guilty of that). Those are the people who you see on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram who are in love one day, saying they hate their spouse the next day and 3 days after that are back in love. I have also seen this, from males and females.   Sometimes you have to just walk away from people and never look back. Scary I know but it can be done. But there is no way you can bring happiness to someone else if you are not happy yourself. If you are in a miserable relationship, and you are a miserable person, no matter what that person does, no matter how great they may be, you will bring misery to them as well. Misery loves company!!!

This is a lesson I had to learn on my own a few years ago. After a rough break-up I found myself, by myself. I spent a lot of time getting to know myself. It was a scary place to be, because at no time in my life before that moment had I taken real time out to get to know who I really was, and I'm still learning! I learned what I liked, what I didn't like. What I wanted and what I did not want. Personally, it took me to actually ask myself those questions, and it took for me to be by myself, alone, to figure those things out. It was not easy. Being alone is not always the easiest thing to do. TRUST ME, I've been there, I've done that. Getting to know yourself is an amazing experience! The things that I learned about me have changed me for the better. My overall morals and values stayed the same but I defined those things for myself. But getting to know yourself and loving yourself isn't about bringing happiness to other people, its about bringing happiness to yourself. I have a joy that no one can ever steal from me because they didn't give it to me. YES people do add to my happiness but they can never take away from it. That is something I learned from taking time out to step back from people, and spending time alone and away from everyone.

I'm not sure when being alone became such a horrible thing. I know that I have family and friends supporting me so I know that I am not alone in this world. But spending time alone and getting to know yourself is priceless. There are experiences that teach you things about yourself, there are people that will teach you about yourself, but there is no greater lesson learned by you than the lesson taught by you!

PS.....take yourself on a date! Go buy yourself some new shoes! Make yourself a huge dinner! Go to the movies by yourself. Those small things, and that time spent alone will become more and more valuable as we get older because we will be surrounded by people all the time and wish that we could have a moment alone! 




22 comments:

  1. I love it and could not agree more. it's crazy how ever post, or piece you write I can relate to in some kind of way. Kepp up the good work and continue to motivate others.

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  2. Thank u sooooo much for your feedback!

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  3. This is @ImHis1QueenBee!
    I truly loved it!!! We should never be defined by men!!! And there is nothing wrong with being alone! Gives you the opportunity to reevaluate yourself as far as who you want in your life and what you want out your own life! Start off fresh! Giving yourself a new start is great. And as long as you have God you are never alone! You may be without a man but God is there! Well done girl!!! I love it!!!

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  4. This is @andria_dee and I love it girl! You spoke the truth and keep up the GREAT work Bre!

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  5. Beautiful indeed!!!

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  6. yea this would sound like a woman wrote it, because a woman did write it. i say that to say this, only can a woman write something so true and real. the fact that many people dont take the time out to get to know themselves is a shame. not everyone values the art of self knowlegment. we laugh, cry, sing and moan but that not because of us its because of a person. but getting to know yourself should take you through all of these things alone. i believe im alone because im still learning about me so i dig this blog, good job kid. P.S. i think its best i stay anonymous

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    1. Thank u sooo much...whoever u are ♥

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    2. Thank u sooo much...whoever u are ♥

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  7. God send you messages in so many forms! This has been a struggle of mine for a while, not boyfriend/girlfriend wise, but friendship wise. I've spent a majority of my junior year "getting to know myself" and it has been AMAZING, but while it's good for me so many people have taken it as something negative. Like it is a problem if I go to the mall by myself or go grocery shopping by myself. Are you really mad because you didn't get invited to the grocery store? C'mon man. People have made little petty remarks like "Oh you're acting funny now" "Oh what? You're too good for us now?" and stuff like that, but it's so much deeper than that and I wish people would take the time to realize that. I feel like I've grown so much as a person in these last six months. AND THEN I'm surrounded by so many people around me who settle for these nothing behing negros because they feel like they need a man to complete them and there's a problem with me because I refuse to do the same. ahhhhh! I can go on and on about this subject but I won't. The moral of my story is THANK YOU BRE!! lol ... i needed this today! - MochaSoCHI

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    1. I was going to touch on the friendship part of being alone but that will be part 2. I'm glad I could help!!!

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  8. This was amazing!! tht spoke to me especially the person who stays n a miserable relationship .been there done tht! Having time to urself is priceless. I found out a lot of stuff about me. Thanks for Sharing

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  9. Ok bre i c ya!!! Lord knws so many ppl need 2 read up on more about bein n a relationship....my problem now n life is bein numb 2 me its pros n cons 2 it im goin. On 5 yrs strong n still have sum battles only because there are kids with the situation over all related alot on all but its never call a relationship if u jumpin. In. N out they lusting ♥♥♥♥♥ love it bre cant wait 4 the next one love sade brown

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  10. I agree with all of this lol. I'm not too keen on writing long replies but this is an issue that everyone has touched on frequently and I think it's something that people need to repeatedly hear!!! U cant love somebody without truly loving yourself first....kudos on this post!

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  12. Yessssss hunny SAY THAT! I've noticed as well these type of ppl but I try not to be so quick to judge. I'm the 2nd type of person, the one who stayed in a situation far longer than I should've and even tho I feel as though I should have removed myself from it waaay sooner, better late than never baby. Not gon lie, I got stuck in a comfort zone but like you said there's NOTHING wrong with being alone. Society will have you thinking something's wrong with you because you're single/alone (especially twitter smh) but you have to know that being alone, taking time to make yourself a better person can only do more good than bad! Some ppl jump from 1 relationship to another because they subconsciously need someone to validate them (again no judging cuz I've been there) but when you KNOW you'll be ok, your world keeps spinning regardless if someone else is there or not.... Baaaabby, it's a wonderful feeling! Lol didn't mean to write so much but I love this Bre, keep it up boo. -Your Bonnie, fuck a Clyde lmao 😘

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  13. Truuuuuuuu lol. Seriously though I know people need to hear this. Nice : )

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  14. I absolutely loved this! The second relationship characteristic described me perfectly. I'm so concerned with being with someone else. I've been in relationships (serious) since I was 16. I'm now 22 and getting ready to graduate college and I'm SINGLE! Not until recently have I realized that I don't need a guy to make me feel complete. I can hold my own as a woman until I'm truly ready to be in a committed relationship. Thanks for this post it just helped to keep me focused on making myself happy FIRST! Good job!

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    1. Please do whatever it takes to make YOU happy first. It is sooo important and we dont realize that until its too late! Im glad i could help! and thank you for your feed back!

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  15. Wow! Thanks Breezy! Im late on this post but it is def needed! Keep up the good work!

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